A Guide on How to Fix Your Toxic Relationship
Do you feel like your relationship is in a rut?
It can be difficult to figure out what is wrong with your relationship. But, if you are feeling unhappy and stressed, it may be time for a change. There are many ways that relationships can go toxic.
One way is when one person feels like they are always giving more than the other person in the relationship. It’s important to remember that everyone needs different things from their partner at different times in their lives which means sometimes one of you will need more support than the other.
Another sign of toxicity is when someone feels like they don’t have any autonomy or independence within the relationship because they feel controlled by their partner or have little say over decisions being made about them and their life together as a couple.
We’ve all been there. You’re sitting on the couch, watching TV with your partner and it feels like you’re living separate lives under one roof. A toxic relationship has been compared to a rat poison or a hard drug.
But what can be done about it?
Toxic relationships are never easy to get out of. It takes a lot of work and time for both partners to restore trust and make up for the damage done in the relationship. But, if you’re willing to put in the effort, your relationship can be saved.
Here are 38 ways to get out of that rut and make sure your love life doesn’t stay stagnant for long.
1. Start by taking care of yourself physically and emotionally
Not just for each other but also to be able to become attractive again as well so they’ll want what I’ve got on offer (wink). That way when we go out into the world together everything will feel new because there won’t already exist any expectations between us whatsoever. This person thinks one thing while my heart tells me something else entirely.
2. Get back into hobbies together
This might mean taking up gardening or going hiking again, but whatever it is- do it together. It can also help you stay connected while still getting the time apart that you need.
When was the last time you went on an adventure by yourself? Find some new hobbies or explore different areas in town together without thinking about work at all times (even if it means taking public transportation). This will make both people happier because they’ll have each other’s company during those long nights spent working away from home base. Plus, everyone benefits when more activities are happening outside office hours than just Netflix binges followed by dinner reservations later.
3. Listen more than you talk
Toxic people tend to want all the attention on themselves. They don’t care about what their partner wants or needs because they’re too busy talking about whatever it is that interests them at that moment. If this sounds like your partner, then start by listening more than you talk. Ask questions when you don’t understand something rather than jumping in with an opinion or criticism; take turns talking; show interest when your partner talks about something they enjoy.
When we’re upset about something it’s hard not to rant. However, if your partner tends to go off the rails and ramble on and on when you’ve asked for their opinion or advice (whether or not they asked for it), then you should try to be an active listener. Try not to interrupt, even if you disagree; listen intently and nod; paraphrase what they say back to them so they know you’re actively listening.
4. Get out of your comfort zone
Sometimes what is going on in a relationship isn’t as bad as we often think it is. Sometimes it’s just a simple case of sticking to our routines and doing the same things over and over again, which tends to make us a little bored now and again. We need to keep things fresh to feel attracted to another person, so try having a date that’s completely outside your comfort zone.
5. Realize you have choices
It should be noted, however, that if the way your partner treats you is leaving you feeling lonely and sad regularly then it may be time to realize you have choices. It may not be the case that you feel alone because you are, whether or not that’s by choice is something only you can decide.
6. Realize that your partner is human
They’re just one person trying to do right by both of you most of the time, just like anyone else in any relationship. The problem with dysfunctional people is that they don’t want to be called out on their crap. They usually get defensive when faced with criticism, and find ways to blame you for all their problems in life because they can’t face where the crux of their pain stems from.
7. Be honest about your feelings
If something bothers you then it needs to be said, whether or not it’s going to be a difficult conversation. Any toxic person is going to take advantage of your niceness if you always let things slide without saying anything. It’s important to show the other person that you acknowledge their efforts and appreciate what they do for you now and again (because we all deserve praise even when we’re making an effort, but some people can’t seem to catch on).
8. Take a break from your partner
If your relationship isn’t going in the right direction, then it might be time to reevaluate things. Whether that means taking a break for a few days or accepting that things aren’t working out and ending things once and for all, remember that sometimes it’s better to walk away than to try and force something that’s no longer working. Be patient and have an open mind when trying to fix things with your partner.
9. Let go of assumptions
Don’t make assumptions about your partner’s feelings or intentions because it can lead you astray (then again, not all assumptions are bad). If your partner doesn’t respond to you how you expected they would after a fight, don’t assume the worst. Maybe they were tired or stressed out or had some emergency at work pop up. Don’t fall into habits; we usually make assumptions because we’ve done them in the past and think it’ll be just fine to do it again.
10. Give each other some space
We all get overwhelmed with stuff sometimes, whether that stuff is school or work or just life in general. It’s normal to need time on your own here and there to recharge, so don’t feel bad about wanting your partner to go off for a bit while you do some self-care. Be sure to let your partner know that you still want them around, but always give each other space when necessary.
11. Be kind to yourself
It’s not always easy when you’re in a toxic relationship, but keep your head up and remember that what goes around comes around! Always be kind to yourself and never lose hope in finding happiness again with someone special who will also love you unconditionally without anything holding him back. And always remember: you’re not alone!
12. Be kind to others
You may be going through tough times, but that doesn’t mean you can lash out at other people and make them feel awful about themselves. Remember that the way we treat others is a reflection of who we are as individuals, so don’t be a bully. Instead, be kind to everyone you meet and try to spread the love.
13. Give your partner credit when it’s due
There may be times where they didn’t do much in an argument, but there will also probably be times when they have your back or support you when no one else does. Try not to hold grudges because it will only eat you up inside, and the next time your partner is in a tight spot know that they deserve to have someone support them.
14. Always be willing to forgive
No matter who messed up or how badly, if you don’t want it to repeat itself, then make sure you make amends and remind yourself that there’s always another chance. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt and remember that it’s never too late to make things right. Overlook each other’s shortcoming.
20 Signs That You’re in a Toxic Relationship
How to spot if your partner is toxic
qasimadam.medium.com
15. Be supportive of their decisions
You may not agree with what your partner wants to do in life, but that doesn’t mean they don’t deserve support every step of the way. Always make sure they know there’s still time to change their minds or back out if they want, but never put pressure on them unless you want it to come back at you.
16. Don’t badmouth your exes
Your past is in the past for a reason! Nobody wants to hear about how much of a jerk your last boyfriend was or what an awful relationship was like. Nobody’s perfect, and showing people your worst sides can make others lose faith in you. So try to be a better person all around instead of focusing on what someone else did wrong.
17. Don’t throw out the baby with the bathwater
Just because he or she doesn’t have a lot of friends or family doesn’t mean you can’t be there as a support system. Maybe they’re just introverted or have been hurt before, but that doesn’t mean you should treat them any differently from how you normally do. A happy partner is always better than an unhappy one… and if it’s friends and family they need most, then help make those connections for them!
18. Don’t let small disagreements turn into big ones
There will be times where you’ll get into little disagreements that snowball out of control, but don’t let them turn into fights if you can help it. Keep your cool and try to talk things out in a respectful manner. Making up will always be more fun than burning bridges.
19. Let them know they’re loved every day
Tell your partner how much they mean to you every single day, even if it’s something small like “I’m glad I can lean on you when I need support.” It will make them feel appreciated and loved not only by you but also by themselves.
20. Never stop showing your gratitude
This goes hand in hand with point 19. If your partner is feeling down, try to cheer them up in whatever way you can. If it means baking something for them or writing them a card, then that’s what you should do. It may seem like nothing in the long run, but every little bit helps in times of need.
21. Don’t let yourself become bitter
If your partner’s previous love interests were jerks, it’s understandable. But don’t let your bitterness turn against your partner instead of the exes themselves. It will hurt them in ways you can’t imagine if they feel like they’ve lost you because of their past missteps.
22. Be honest with yourself too
A happy relationship is great, but if you’re unhappy there is no point in staying around. Step out of the situation for a bit and take some time to yourself. You’ll feel better about things once you’ve had that breathing room, trust me.
23. Never give up on them
No matter how hard life gets or how long they stay away, don’t lose sight of how important your partner is to you. Keep them close to your heart and remember the good times, and they’ll come back to you in time.
24. Never lose respect for them
It’s okay if things need work or you wanted different things out of life at first: nobody’s perfect! Instead of letting that resentment build up into something ugly, remember the good times you had together and respect them. They are still your friend in some way, shape, or form.
25. Never leave them completely
If you’re going through a rough patch, maybe it’s time to take a break for a while. But never cut ties entirely because you’ll regret it later on! You two may not be going out anymore, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still hang out with each other from time to time and tell each other you’re sorry.
26. Never think they’re not worth it
It may be hard sometimes or things don’t work out, but remember that your partner is worth fighting for and is NOT a second choice. Even if they didn’t work out with someone else, that doesn’t mean they won’t change their mind about things and come back to you.
27. Identify and fix the toxic parts of your relationship
If you’re in a relationship that feels like you’re only getting half of what you need, then it might be time to re-evaluate your situation. If your partner is neglecting their responsibilities or obligations, then stand up for yourself and don’t let them get away with treating you poorly. Read in between the lines and recognize the signs of toxic people even if it means reading wide about them.
28. Always be willing to communicate
Communication is key in every aspect of a relationship, and it’s no different with friends and family. Let your partner know what you think and where things stand.
If they’re receptive to new ideas and want to keep the conversation going, then it’s great! If not… well, that can go either way, but you can’t know what could happen if you shut yourself off entirely.
29. Remember that it’s not just about the two of you
You’re not the only person in your partner’s life. They have family and friends who care about them too. Let them be close to these people- even if some of those relationships are rocky- because the heart wants what it wants.
30. Never give up on hope
I know that it can be hard to keep going sometimes, but remember that your partner is still out there somewhere and one day you’ll find each other again. There’s no way to predict how long things might take or what twists and turns life might throw in the way, but when you do reunite, it’ll be like nothing ever changed.
31. Create space for one-on-one interactions
It is important to find time for one-on-one dates with your partner every week. It doesn’t matter if you are busy with your careers or other responsibilities, try to make time for one date with your partner each week.
If you always hang out with friends, it can be hard to feel close. Try doing the things that you did when you first became a couple. This will remind you of how much you like each other and make it seem like the two of you are closer.
Making time for date nights will make both of you feel special, providing something to look forward to that isn’t your relationship.
32. Always be willing to apologize
Your partner is only human, and they’re going to make mistakes sometimes. Don’t hold it against them- instead, let them know that you understand why they did it and that you’ll do better next time. Relationships are all about understanding one another’s faults.
33. Never be afraid to fight for them
If things are worth it and your partner is the one you want to be with, then it’s up to you make things work. You might butt heads every now and again when it comes to little issues- that’s fine. Everyone can’t be on the same page all of the time. What matters is that you both want the best for each other and that you’re willing to put in the work.
34. Always keep an open mind
Your partner isn’t always going to be right- they’re human, after all. But there’s no need to go off the deep end or try to convince them that you’re right. Instead, keep an open mind and see what happens. You might be surprised by the outcome.
35. Never forget that love is about compromise
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes and we can’t solve everything on our own. Remember to let your partner help you when things get tough and remind them that you’ll be there for them in return.
36. Never assume the worst
You might think you know what’s going on in your partner’s head, but if something feels amiss or you suspect that there may be someone else involved, then don’t jump to conclusions. Communicate with your partner and see what they have to say for themselves before you begin trying to read the tea leaves and see if they’re telling the truth.
37. You have the right to end the nightmare
If things continue like this after following these steps for a while without any change, then it may be time to end the relationship altogether. Ending things doesn’t mean you don’t care about each other or that you weren’t interested- it just means that the relationship isn’t working out the way either of you wants.
Furthermore, if you don’t notice any benefits after following these procedures, the toxicity may be too great to overcome, and you should consider moving on.
38. If necessary, seek a professional assistance
Don’t be afraid to get help if things are getting out of hand or if you fear for your safety. Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re overreacting or imagining the situation, because abuse is never something to take lightly. There are places to find help- the National Domestic Abuse Hotline website has a list of resources for all 50 states.
Final thought
Breaking up is hard to do, but it doesn’t have to be. And when you’re in a nightmare relationship with someone who’s toxic and abusive, there are even more reasons why ending the relationship can feel impossible.
But it isn’t.
You don’t need us telling you that being abused by your partner sucks — you know that already. What we want to tell you is that there are ways out of this situation if you choose them for yourself.
The first step? Take care of yourself physically and emotionally so that you’ll have strength left over for what comes next. Getting back into hobbies together will help take some of the stress off too, as well as listening instead of talking all the time (even though it feels good at first).
Even if you can’t figure things out on your own, keep the lines of communication open. If you feel like they’re not listening or that it’s pointless to try and communicate through all the drama, then cut them off entirely. Taking care of yourself is just as vital as understanding what led up to this point, so stay strong and remember that you’re never alone in your efforts.
Because we’re always here for you:
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